Ten Years in a Blue Light

[Verse 1] Your scent is in the cotton Of the pillow by my face I hold it like your body Trying to fill the empty space Two blue ticks in the darkness But no answer underneath Every minute after midnight Pulls the ground from under me [Pre-Chorus] I said I’d tear my walls down I said I’d finally let you in But you left just as I opened What I’d buried underneath my skin [Chorus] Ten years in a blue light Watching your name refuse to move I don’t eat, I don’t sleep I hold the space where I held you I know I broke what held us I know sorry can’t undo No wound excuses what I did I lost myself before I lost you [Verse 2] Ten years didn’t end in one night We vanished a little at a time You stopped knowing how to reach me I stopped showing what was mine I built a life that wore my face But never felt like me beneath I made a home inside my secrets Till they took the air from me [Pre-Chorus] I can’t explain why I did it I won’t turn my hurt to blame But I have to face the stranger Who was answering to my name [Chorus] Ten years in a blue light Watching your name refuse to move I don’t eat, I don’t sleep I hold the space where I held you I know I broke what held us I know sorry can’t undo No wound excuses what I did I lost myself before I lost you [Bridge] I offered to reinvent myself To tear down everything I’d been But change can’t be a promise Made only when you’re leaving And if you never answer me I’ll still have to face the truth I have to find the woman I abandoned before you [Final Chorus] Ten years in a blue light Now the morning hurts my eyes I don’t eat, I don’t sleep I count the truths I used to hide I know I broke what held us I can’t ask you to believe But even if you never come back I can’t keep disappearing from me [Outro] Tonight I hold your pillow And breathe what time has left Waiting beside the screen For words that never come The room is full of your absence And I am hollow on my own